Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
