his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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