We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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