Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
