There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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