ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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