My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize