She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
