we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize