if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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