my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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