I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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