did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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