allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
