You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
