last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
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sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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