32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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