No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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