i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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