so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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