you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
40s are totally the cure
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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