i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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