watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
