Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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