took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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