I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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