If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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