you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
