I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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