I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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