My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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