obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
