put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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