Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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