finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
