he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
