Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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