Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
