i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
