She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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