he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
