In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
