i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
