I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
