The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
