Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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