Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
