were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
