I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
