please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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