i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
