this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices