Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.