Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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