he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
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i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist