Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things