There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.