eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?