He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
why didn't you poke me back
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.