hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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