Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am mentally ready for anal.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
