Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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