You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
