That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
