i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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