I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
