Soap is not a condiment
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
