he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
