He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
