Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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